This is a photo of a topless chick drinking a beer and posing for the camera with “New York is a friendly town” scrawled across her chest. You care because the can of Budweiser makes you think that she’s your kind of girl, and the snuff-porn lighting makes you think that this is gonna go your way. I care because it reminds me of early American Apparel ads, when Dov Charney first started ripping off Terry Richardson, but hadn’t figured out the whole lighting thing yet.
This is a picture of some cute chick in an American Apparel t-shirt holding up a zinger of a placard at a pro gay marriage rally. You care because she reminds you of how much less of a man you are than cute lesbian protestors, which makes the idea of being worthless and deserving of hard and brutal domination and punishment from a girl so much smaller, frailer, and cuter than you are really turn you on. I care because, suddenly, girls that cute and witty make me wanna reconsider my stance on lifelong commitment marriage.
This is a picture that looks like an American Apparel ad of a girl bent over in front of the camera.
You care because seeing a girl dressed in casual, cotton clothing bent over for the camera makes you think that American Apparel models don’t exist only in an alternate, advertising universe where you encounter sex mostly when someone is trying to sell you something you don’t need.
I care because there something about charcoal tights against a backdrop of washed out daylight reminds me that divine inspiration can exist even in the most casual of outfits — especially when the complexion and eye make-up are just right.
Meet Alexi Celine Wasser (@imboycrazy). She has a blog called I’m Boy Crazy (hate the name), where she does all kinds of cool shit, like a spot called the blind leading the blind, and a podcast called Boy Crazy Radio (N.B. Alexi seems to hate upper case letters and never uses them, but I’m not her).
You care because she’s a cute, stylish, chick who’s built a reputation on liking boys, so you figure if you’ve ever had a chance to nail a petite, little hipster chick, this is it, so now you’re wondering whether you should book a flight (or bus ticket) out to LA and start asking around American Apparel stores where’s a good place to hang out because you figure that all the hipsters in LA hang out in the same place and the 17 year that’s peddling see-through plaid shirts for Dov Charney knows where that is.
I care because despite that her M.O. is “being boy crazy,” she still manages to capture my imagination in a way that takes me back to when sex was still new and strange and exciting enough that I couldn’t tell trouble from a good time, and even dudes weren’t completely out of the question after a few drinks.
Oh, you also care because she does sex-tape spoofs which, admittedly, is kinda hot…
So it looks like American Apparel is now selling plaid chiffon shirts.
You care because that’s going to be that many more girls wearing that many more see-through shirts making you think that they want you, specifically, to see their boobs or their bra or whatever, and that will make you feel like that much more of an eligible partner even if they never return your glances because you figure if they’re letting you have a looksie, then it must be because they appreciate your attention as potential mate.
I care because if there are any cuties left out there who aren’t wearing plaid yet, it’s probably because they are ultra femme, but this whole chiffon thing just might bring them around, meaning that that many more girls will be donning a touch of lumber-jack this season, and the world as seen through my eyes will be that much of a better place.