This is a picture of Kelly Rowland getting naked to promote her new album.
You care because whenever a girl uses sex to get something out of you, it helps you believe that one of the things she wants is sex and all you have to do is give her a few other things and slowly work your way towards having her touch your callused, friction burned member.
I care because I have this thing for black chicks that helps me feel better about being a privileged white girl, and I like to think that if I ever met her (or Rihanna) I could play the whole lesbian marginalization card and we could commiserate over a couple G-and-Ts and I could convince her that seeding a few rumours about her being bicurious might help the whole sex-sells angle she’s taking with marketing her music.
This is a picture of a girl on all fours peering back at the camera through her own legs.
You care because this is what you imagine it would be like to do a girl doggy-style: she’d submit, get down on all fours, and look back at you patiently while you try to find the hole.
I care because because the way her eye lines up with her labia makes her look like a flesh eating monster with an extra eye in its throat just so that it can watch as it masticates whatever fleshy member is unfortunate enough to find its way into her “mouth” — and whose tonsils double as an eye-lid.
This is a picture of the fitness model and former NFL cheerleader Jamie Eason holding a football in one hand and tugging at her short shorts with the other.
You care because hot chicks with bulging triceps makes you think that G*d is going to punish you for hating women by sending some hot, blond Amazon to dominate you in the way that you wish you could have girl nextdoor who never really paid you any attention growing up, except when she needed something — like help with shoveling her car out of the snow or cleaning up after the house party that she threw while her parents were out of town but didn’t invite you to.
I care because any girl who’s put that much time into both her biceps and her appearance is really going out of her way to attract female attention but is still enough of a Barbie doll that she’ll play hard to get in a way where it’ll take two bottles of red before I can get those shorts off so that she can pretend that she was just being experimental and I won’t have to worry about calling her in the morning.
This is close-up of two girls kissing. You care because you think that chick-on-chick action is something that you can get in on. I care because because the girl with the freckles looks like a girl-next-door who’s being seduced by a college roommate who convinced her to experiment with boundaries. thing going that takes me back to my freshman year. Ah, reminds me of my freshman year…
This is a video Aaron Sorkin’s acceptance speech rom last night’s Golden Globe Awards where he speaks directly to his daughter, telling her that “elite” is not a bad word.
And I want to thank all the female nominees tonight for helping demonstrate to my young daughter that elite is not a bad word, it’s an aspirational one. Honey, look around, smart girls have more fun, and you’re one of them.
This is a photo of a naked girl holding her dress up over her to conceal her special parts.
You care because seeing a naked girl in a nice apartment like that helps you imagine that you just went home with her and she’s about to show you what you need to see before finishing the fantasy and reaching over for the Kleenex box or a dirty sock on the floor next to your bed to clean up the mess.
I care because (1) the way the stylist has did her hair and how her right hip pokes out from behind her dress is a lot of what I imaging temptation would look like if someone managed to snap a picture of it, and (2) the set looks a lot like this apartment I used to live in that had some magical property where the girls who came home with me ended up acting pretty much in the same way this model is.
You care because now a Hollywood cougar is dating someone whose former stage name was John Cougar, which means that you and your friends can make really lame jokes about “how they are fucking to save their species” and “John’s got nail” and “what it sounds like when a mountain lion fakes an orgasm“.
I care because just this past weekend, my girlfriend mentioned in passing how Meg Ryan had had so much plastic surgery that no one in Hollywood would touch her, and now I can hold my head high because I know I’m not alone in having a thing for plasticized cougars.
This is a picture that looks like an American Apparel ad of a girl bent over in front of the camera.
You care because seeing a girl dressed in casual, cotton clothing bent over for the camera makes you think that American Apparel models don’t exist only in an alternate, advertising universe where you encounter sex mostly when someone is trying to sell you something you don’t need.
I care because there something about charcoal tights against a backdrop of washed out daylight reminds me that divine inspiration can exist even in the most casual of outfits — especially when the complexion and eye make-up are just right.
You care because Norah’s voice helps you imagine what it’s like when a beautiful women looks for excuses to stay instead of leave. I care because I can learn a thing or two from Norah about how to play hard to get.
And here’s a video of Norah Jones doing a duet with Jimmy Kimmel called YouTube’s 12 Days of Christmas.
You care because seeing Jimmy Kimmel with Norah Jones makes you think that being a goof might actually increase your chances of becoming incredibly successful and hanign out with brilliant and gorgeous women. I care because at 3:01, she hints at taking off her shirt.